270- From Burnout to Balance A Journey Within

Imagine juggling a demanding career while trying to maintain personal peace and fulfillment. That's the journey Arlene Cohen Miller navigated, transitioning from a high-pressure attorney to a work-life balance coach. Her insights reveal the critical need for harmony in our tech-driven world, where personal and professional lines often blur, leading to burnout. Together, we explore how to reclaim control and satisfaction in both spheres.

We venture into the depths of inner transformation, redefining work-life balance not just as a set of tasks but as a state of being. It's not about using external hacks to save time, but fostering inner peace and adaptability. As the new year looms, consider this an invitation to prioritize personal growth and spiritual curiosity. Let's challenge those all-too-common excuses and embrace a resolution that nurtures both our secular ambitions and spiritual fulfillment.

Our conversation also uncovers how gratitude and resilience can serve as anchors during life's storms. Through powerful stories, we learn that gratitude isn't just for the big wins—it's the everyday joys that sustain us. We tackle the strong inner critic, turning it into a coach for growth, and advocate for slow, sustainable changes that honor your pace and capacity. With free resources at your fingertips, embark on a journey to a balanced life that celebrates every small victory along the way.

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Chapters

• 0:11 Work-Life Balance and Spiritual Coaching
• 9:38 Creating Balance From the Inside
• 14:20 Overcoming Barriers to Work-Life Balance
• 22:19 Practicing Gratitude and Resilience
• 36:41 Creating Sustainable Change for Balance
• 47:38 Take Advantage of Free Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:11

welcome everyone to politically high tech with your host, elias. This is going to be the last episode of the season, number 270, yep, 270, okay. And I want to end it with a more positive note. You know how crazy it is in here, not just politically I always give the political example class, a major one but even among families. You know personal issues. You know you owe me money or you did me wrong when you took I don't know boyfriend or girlfriend or something like that you don't love.

Speaker 1: 0:46

And another thing I'm going to bring the tech aspect, the high tech aspect of it Technology. You're over-dependent on technology, decreasing the overall human interaction. I'm not against technology, I'm a tech user but there's just a lack of balance, especially with work, work. These days, everything is very computer oriented, even smartphone oriented. I ain't that good with smartphone at work. I'm gonna be honest. All right, you call me a new boomer. Oh, you want to echo boomer, that thing, those that's what you call it in these, these ungrateful youngins. But anyways, anyways, we started exhibiting some of those traits. Uh, you know, aging is funny. That's what I'm gonna say. Aging is funny. But enough of my rant, enough of my yammering.

Speaker 1: 1:32

I want to talk about a topic, I think it's been buzzing for years, for years. This is not a new trend thank goodness, because a lot of new trends tend to be stupid and I'm going to be honest, I think this trend is debatable. I could see an argument for this Work balance life People working longer, not getting paid as much, less vacations. This comes from various surveys too. So I think that's the epidemic we need to address, not just, you know, the virus that caused a lot of disruptions and restrictions through our governments. Um, I would say limited data analysis. Here's a put it nicely. But we need to work by life balance because, yeah, it's nice to work from home and virtually and all that, but it also blurs, also creates that, that loophole that some employer or co-worker could just disrespect. Oh, I need help with this. They could give you an email at midnight and you see it and especially you're you look at your phone at night. You get a little disturbed. So I think we need a little bit of balance here. Why I mention all this? Because it's work-balanced life and there's ways to disrupt that, more than ever with technology. Ironically, technology is marketed as the most convenient tool, but that's not always the case, especially the way we use it.

Speaker 1: 3:00

So I'm going to actually shut up and let my lovely guest here talk. Her name is Arlene Cohen Miller. She is going to be our spiritual coach slash advisor here. You know, right before we start I was going to give her like the spiritual lawyer thing, but she no longer does that.

Speaker 1: 3:22

If I would have said that, I would have caused deception and misinformation and I'm trying to be more careful in the misinformation part, not the freedom of speech part just in the fact that it's incorrect and it could cause unintentional deception. So I was like I'll try to come with a nickname for these people, I'll just toss it out. So that was a. So that's just. You know, the it's crap, it's a bad idea. So it's tossed out the window. But I'm just being brutal. I'm just telling you how I think sometimes. Sometimes it's weird as heck. Feel free to comment on that If you want to. I don't know. Feel your frustration, take it out on me, go right ahead. Your comments will be exposed and you know, support as a hater. It's up to you. So let's welcome her, okay, arlene Cohan Miller, and what do you want the listeners and the viewers to know about you before?

Speaker 2: 4:13

we get started. Well, I do have a legal career. You know, I was 15, I decided I was going to become an attorney. I did become an attorney and I've had two law firms, one in a suburb of Cleveland Ohio and one in a suburb of Denver, and I've been a family law attorney for, like, divorce and custody and stuff like that. I've also been a commercial attorney just helping businesses collect their debts, and I've enjoyed that. And I guess the reason I'm a work-life balance coach is that when I opened my law firm as a solo practitioner in a little storefront office three years out of law school, I immediately found out I was pregnant.

Speaker 2: 4:52

All my family was back in Kentucky, I was up in Ohio and my ex-husband was working 70 or 80 hours a week and I had to sort of like build a tribe of people to help support me to start a business, to get a business off the ground, to be a parent, and there weren't any coaches like what I do. You know. There were counselors, there were psychologists, there were psychiatrists. That wasn't really what I needed and I just feel like a lot of people could really use health, learning, balance and harmony to their work and personal life. And since I had to sort of invent it on my own. That's where that bit of me comes from.

Speaker 2: 5:27

And after my film was done, I moved to Colorado, bought into a law firm there doing commercial law and yeah, about six years before we sold the business, I got a diploma in transformational holistic counseling and in coaching and mentoring and certification in meditation. Because it just felt like in law school I wasn't really taught how to listen. I wasn't really taught how to do things to really negotiate settlements in a way that I actually heard, validated and sort of partnered with people to come to resolutions of situations. So I really felt like I needed that additional help and I did incorporate that into my business. I thought it helped a lot. I found that what a lousy listener I was and applied it there and I just got really tired of practicing law and so we sold the business and now I have a business called Jewel Consultancy and I do focus on coaching and mentoring. I also throw in and soul reading, stewardship, a little bit of spiritual bent of it and um.

Speaker 1: 6:28

so that's a little bit about me well, no one can I say you fail as an entrepreneur, that's for sure. Yeah, multiple law firms, you sell them. Hey, that's pretty successful. Hey, you know. You know, and I think what we'll ask, what made you go to spiritual coaching, holistic path, because some people just don't mind being lawyers, you know, getting them business debts and just collecting that big, big. You know. I'm gonna use a very cheesy example. You know, suitcase full of money, although big checks and all of that good stuff. You know, I did hear a little bit that it seems like it was detaching your humanity in the sense that you wasn't being as empathetic or listening. Is that part of it?

Speaker 2: 7:14

Yeah, I mean I think I brought spirituality into my law practice especially. I mean I was really young when I was a divorce attorney and that was, I mean I started being a divorce attorney on my own at age I don't know, 28 or 9. You know I'd done it for another attorney working under him, but it's really difficult, you know, people are dumping all their stuff on you and projecting and it's just because it's just one of the most difficult things you can go through, things you can go through, and some people, you know, pitted their children against each other and then there were children that were abused and neglected because the kids, the parents, did, you know, drugs or alcohol to excess. And so when I switched over to the business thing, I basically, the way I incorporated that quote spirituality is is that you know, we were helping businesses collect their debts and I think people deserve to be paid for their services.

Speaker 2: 8:07

But I didn't do it the way that a lot of attorneys do it. I treated everyone that I contacted with dignity and respect and I was kind and patient to them. If they were obnoxious to me I might just sue them and attach their assets, but I always, in the beginning, always treated people with dignity and respect, unless they proved me wrong. And that was kind of a new way of doing things in business, especially collections, because a lot of people are trained. You have to talk to people a certain way, and so I guess that is how I brought that kind of spirituality, which for me means spirit and which means love, into the practice of law, and I'm really glad I did, because I think it's needed, um, because I wasn't, of course, taught that in law school. So, yeah, I did. I did apply that to my legal career before I decided I just wanted to be a coach and a mentor oh, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

Speaker 1: 9:05

Now let's get into the good stuff work balance life. What the heck does that mean? There's been buzzwords thrown around. You know, we all this social media, even traditional media to some extent. They throw these buzzwords, but don't always give a clear definition. What does work balance life mean to you?

Speaker 2: 9:25

well. Well, I add the word harmony in there work-life balance and harmony and I agree with you completely. It's been a really overused term and people give it all kinds of meaning and do all kinds of things with it. I work with it like from the inside out, so like there's all these life hacks and mom hacks and work hacks and they're awesome. They tell you how to simplify your life. They tell you how to save time. You know, simple thing is, you know, ordering your groceries online and having them delivered. There's all kinds of things like that and they're excellent to help you, you know, create those spaces of having more time.

Speaker 2: 9:59

But the bottom line I feel from working with people is that it doesn't change how you feel on the inside. If you feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. Having something there that's going to save a little bit of time here and there is helpful, but it's not going to resolve the underlying issue and problem for you. So the way I work with work-life balance and harmony is I help people create it from the inside out. So when we're more calm, when we're more confident, when we're more peaceful, when we're more, instead of being all contracted and fearful. We're more open and loving, with clear, strong and appropriate boundaries, it's a lot easier to handle whatever life presents Because just because we're practicing work-life balance and it's a practice, it's not a perfect we always need to be flexible and adaptable because our lives are always changing and things are always moving around.

Speaker 2: 10:56

Especially if you have kids that are growing up, it's really important to you know. Take a look at ourselves individually and maybe have an attorney or not not attorney for me, but a coach or a mentor kind of guides you along the way. To feel into where to from here. How do I want to move my life around a little bit so I feel different on the inside and I can handle more of this stuff on the outside? What doesn't really work that I need to cut out? What would be some stuff I needed to add in? How do I really, if there were no limits? How would I ideally like to experience my life? Because it's really helpful when we're working with work-life balance, you're not just focusing on everything that's bringing you down. You actually are aligning and moving towards the person you're choosing to become and how you're choosing to feel inside about your life and the people that are in your life and what's going on for you. So I guess that's a short version of how I see and work with work-life balance and harmony.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Oh, that's great Listeners. I don't want to hear I'm going to sound very harsh here for a second. I don't want to hear I'm going to sound very harsh here for a second. I don't hear your adhd convenient excuses. If you choose to pay attention, you will pay attention, even people that's diagnosed with the thing. Okay, that person no family members are clear, I've got adhd. Yeah, it could be true to some extent, but if you're really interested, you'll be paying attention, even with that condition. Okay. So I you know, if you're not interested, just say you're not interested. Just don't give me that sorry excuse.

Speaker 1: 12:30

All right, look what this is important here, because I could speak confidently for america. We are working more than ever. We're not giving time to family, we're not giving, tied to you know, activities that can help us heal, and I'm just going to throw a few examples Exercise, meditate me time, whatever, okay and well, that's the way I see work, balance, life, but see such a broad, broad term. That's why I want her definition and I think it's a very good one, because it not just balance in your yeah, your regular, natural, secular view of life, there's also a spiritual component, and that's the part that we don't talk enough about if I have have to be one of those that have to keep channeling spirituality. Spirituality is as important as life and oxygen. I will do that Because I'm most people wasn't taught this. I wasn't taught it. This is something we gotta find out on our own. We have to be like spiritually to. Enemies are just so curious, right, and I call us like the most powerful oddballs. So you seculate heathens, you continue to act superior, but you're bringing yourselves down. Ok, I want you to join, but I cannot help you. If you're going to be blind and hopeless, I can't. I can't force it into you.

Speaker 1: 13:49

For those of you who want to listen, who's been tired and this could be a good New Year's resolution for you to work down his life New Year's resolution. Ok, this could be a good New Year's resolution for you, too. Working down his life New Year's resolution. Okay, this could be a very good one, all right. So if you haven't got one, fill this one out. If your New Year's resolution is bullcrap or is a blank, put this one in there. Okay, this could be the answer to your New Year's resolution. Okay, that's all I want to say about about that. I don't want to talk too much all right. So let me ask the more negative question what are the barriers of work balance life? I'm not already mentioned one about people working too much? Uh, what are the barriers? Why can't people achieve work balance life in?

Speaker 2: 14:37

general. Well, I don't think that they can achieve it, they just don't know how to achieve it. You know, because oftentimes what happens since we're working from the inside out here is that, you know, maybe I have a client or someone that I'm working with that has a really active inner critic, and they don't know how to turn off that inner critic and turn on the inner coach. And so one way that I suggest that people do that is, oftentimes we have this ability inside of ourselves, like if someone was talking to us, our friend or someone we care about, and they're talking about all the stuff that, all the blockages, the reasons why they can't move forward, all the ways that they criticize themselves, what's stopping them from moving forward in their life, what they really want to create, and we're listening and we're being empathetic. You know, what would we say to that person? Instead of cutting them down, how could we nurture them, lift them up, support them, champion them? And sometimes even you know, we know this for ourselves, but also for the people we love Sometimes we need a little bit of that tough love sort of. You know, take your head out of a dark place and let's look at this in a new light.

Speaker 2: 15:52

But I feel like all of us really have that ability, especially for the people that we care about in our lives, and so one of the first things that we can really do is okay is turn that around and give that to my friends.

Speaker 2: 15:57

I know that if someone came to me and said all the reasons that things were just going down the tube and I was really upset and all the things I tried, I would champion and support them and nurture them and uplift them in a way to help them to step forward and not cut them down to send them into a deep dark hole.

Speaker 2: 16:10

So we just need to begin to turn around and practice giving that to ourselves. And you know, practice makes permanent and just because we try once doesn't mean that we're going to get it. It's like if I was choosing to run on the Boston Marathon I've never run a marathon, I've run a half marathon a long time ago. I mean you have to practice running a lot and it's not like you can just snap your fingers and all of a sudden the inner critic is gone and the inner coach is there, you know, in charge of the ship, and so we just need to continually work with how we're treating ourselves and how we're talking to ourselves, and maybe even have an accountability buddy that's doing the same thing. So we're supporting each other and we can begin to turn that ship around, so that the way that we're talking to ourselves is a way that's helping to uplift us and to help us move forward towards the goals we want to create for ourselves in our lives.

Speaker 1: 17:03

You hear that Something interesting I picked up. Turn your inner critic to your inner coach. Yeah, coach is tough, but they want you to bring out your best. They try to bring the best out of you. Your critic is I don't know, you're too stupid to be a mathematician, you're not good with numbers, you're crazy. The coach is like come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, I want those, I want those 20 equations off. You can do it.

Speaker 2: 17:31

You know it might be tough but more loving and can we bring the best, while the critics are just want to shut you down. Yeah, okay, we gotta say no to that. You know I'm sorry, no, go ahead. No, go ahead. No, I just and we just have to learn to say no to that because you're right, I love your inner critics, those voices right on. It sounds like the way we talk to ourselves and it's just like you know. I know I let you in the driver's seat. You're going in the back seat now. If something's bothering you, tell me about it.

Speaker 2: 18:03

A lot of these bits of ourselves are kind of broken and they just sort of need our love and support. We don't want to push them down necessarily. Sometimes I view them as kids inside of me that are really dysfunctional, that got hurt or something happened, or a teenager. We do need to love them and care for them, but we made a mistake in letting, allowing them to be in the driver's seat, and so we're taking back the driver's seat, we're buckling them up in the back. We're doing more to take care of them. We're not allowing them to have that big voice to draw us, draw us down into that deep, dark hole. We're choosing to begin to climb up the mountain? Um of where we're choosing to begin to climb up the mountain um of where we were choosing to go no, yeah, not exactly dumb.

Speaker 1: 18:43

No, feel free to tell me you got some new value. This is more for you. I mean, I'm just a guy in conversation me, you know. Some people may say, oh, I let people interrupt, they only got one or a few episodes me, I got all the episodes to talk my stuff. So I'm laid back because I see the abundance of opportunity.

Speaker 1: 19:01

You know, nine out of ten times I'm not going to talk bad about guests and most of what I'm going to do is indirectly refer it and if you figure out what the guest is, you figure it out. Alright, I'm going to say, wow, I would disagree with this person on A, b, c and D, that's it. I'm not going to say this person is stupid or whatever, except for one person that I didn't respect as a guest because he tried to tell me how to talk and I purposely pissed him off and I got him wilded up and I was happy because after that mischievous kid sided me that, oh, you want to do that, then break it off. Break it off, right. But that's something I'm working on because you know it's good for certain situations, not good for a lot of them, but for the most part I don't mind guests interrupting me because I want them to bring value. Okay, a lot of my one-time guests, I would like to have some reoccurring guests because some are, especially this season last two seasons phenomenal overall.

Speaker 1: 19:53

Phenomenal guests, great value and not gonna usually talk, and me, I got better as a host to focus on certain topics instead of trying to just cover everything, everything. And you know, I think the quality is better because this one does work, life balance. But you could put the love, gratitude, because there are solutions, there are multiple solutions to the problem, you know. So that's what I'm going to say about that and it's a true criticism. I would agree with that criticism, but I'm just saying what's the reason why I allow that? Okay, so that that's all I want to say about that. Um, yeah, well, you want to add anything?

Speaker 2: 20:36

no, um, I I do agree with you that the gratitude stuff is really important with the work life balance. I know you mentioned that, you've covered it on a bunch of other podcasts, but I think a lot of people, when it comes to gratitude, they and they make it more of a head thing and like I'm making a list, but they're not really feeling it. And so I think really the key with gratitude, I mean it just helps to raise you up so you feel better, full stop. And so I think you just talk about gratitude enough, especially when it's from the heart. And so when we were practicing gratitude to help lift ourselves up and to have better work-life balance, because of course, life is a lot easier on all fronts we actually feel grateful, lot easier on all fronts if we actually feel grateful, and so we can really start with you know it's a lie that we have to wait for something to be grateful for, because you know, like you sort of even mentioned, you know we have so much to already be grateful for in our life.

Speaker 2: 21:32

You know I got up this morning. I had a really nice bed to sleep in it's comfy, I got a hot shower, I got food in my fridge, I had a nice meal out with some friends, whatever it is or you just had a nice little short conversation with somebody. We should exchange a smile with someone. There's all these little things that happen to us every day that if we are awake and aware, they can really touch our hearts and we can feel grateful. We're not just making lists, and when we actually feel grateful for anything, it can sort of extrapolate out to the rest of our life, including our work-life balance, and we can feel different about all the challenges that we're facing because we have that kind of deep feeling of gratitude in our heart. And it really doesn't matter what it is. We all have something that we can feel grateful for, just not not make it a head thing. So I think gratitude is important across the board you know what.

Speaker 1: 22:25

That's a very good point. You make it out just a head thing. Even external things, something good has to happen. That that's that gap. I yep that even I used to. Oh, I have to wait for something good to happen, or just had to think I don't know what I'm grateful for. I got up but I feel not great. But you feel it's a while. You still alive, right, you can still walk, you can still talk, you can still enjoy things of life, like if you got it hard, I get it. I'm not gonna, you know, water down your problems. That's not. The point of here is just give you tips how to think life differently. It's just like exercise. It's hard, it's difficult. You're challenging your habits has been ingrained for years. But you are moldable. You can't change it. Try it, just give it a shot if you haven't tried it before. That's all I'm gonna say. You know, I wish I, I wish I could go through the screen and I don't know, massage your head or something with a brush or something but, I can't do it, you know.

Speaker 1: 23:35

I will just go for the screen and just talk to you right there. Hey, you disturb your negative routine or something. I can't do that. You have to be really willing, and I know I get it. It's difficult.

Speaker 1: 23:48

I used to be a depressed person. I even tried to commit suicide before. Okay, I was there, I was dark. So I am not a stranger to darkness and negativity. I mean, I'm sure Arlene is not either, you know, but it's just how we choose to live life, and it's not that problems are not going to go away. They're not going to go away, but it's how you handle it. That's the key.

Speaker 1: 24:15

And you attack it head on instead of just I don't put it metaphorically speaking put your head in the sand. Well, in this case, to bury your head in cyberspace, do a more bartered example, all right. So that's what I'm going to say. I really hope you're really getting this list. I'm being serious. I know me like to be troll, a little bit of a smart aleck. I know I'm like saying a more colorful version, but smart aleck, okay, I'm on professional mode today, so I'm behaving. I'm behaving because I'm matched with the guests here. That's what I do? You're vulgar. I'm vulgar, guest professional, I'm professional. Okay, I'm tempted to say it, but you get why. You, you understand this is you're the smart people. You're smart, you're. You're gonna get it if you don't get it now you'll get it in the future.

Speaker 2: 24:58

Go right ahead and I was on a podcast today with three other women and it was really interesting. You know all of us, you know professional blah blah blah and one of the younger ones. She has an autoimmune disease and she's been very successful in our business and she's just choosing to back off a little bit because she really wants to have a kid, you know, and she's getting to that place where you have to either have one or not. And I was just really impressed by her because you know she's having all these.

Speaker 2: 25:26

You know autoimmune is not an easy thing, to have an autoimmune disease but she still, you know, is running her business. She's still putting time into her marriage. She's still she's choosing to maybe back off a little bit from, you know, as hard as she's been working so that her body can be healed and calm enough so that she can conceive, and so I guess the reason I'm sharing this is that I mean it really impressed me. You know, it's like and it wasn't like she was trying to be anything it's like even if we have things that on the physical level or the emotional level or the mental level are difficult, it doesn't mean that we can't still find something to be grateful for you know, and like you said, you know, elias, it's not we're trying to say this, it's not hard for you, but it doesn't. It doesn't block that gratitude of the universe to come and touch your heart that's exactly right.

Speaker 1: 26:20

That's an excellent example of resilience. She could have just felt sorry for herself oh I can't do this, I can't do that. But no, she's running business, even maintaining marriage when I have a child. I mean, she's very strong in my book, stronger than a normal person. As far as I'm concerned, she could have been chosen to feel ungrateful oh, you know, my life's bad, but I die one day from a cold. I mean, that's a bit dramatic. But she could certainly say that if she was in that victim mindset. But she's more of a conqueror, overcomer mindset, and that's actually admirable.

Speaker 1: 26:59

So for those of you who don't have kids and that includes me there's no excuse that you could juggle a lot. I mean me. I say I take care of my elder children. That's, I'd say, to cover it up, bad, bad answer. Well, deal with it. That's the only answer you're getting from me. It's at least an honest answer. It is somewhat of a creative one, but all is serious to solve.

Speaker 1: 27:23

You see, this is someone who's battling with a real challenging. You know disease in general, and it's a good thing we didn't get specific into it. But the point is, you can be resilient, you can still be grateful for life. Okay, I mean not, I'm not telling you just to say, oh, happy, dolly dolly, everything's gonna be perfect. No, it's how you handle it.

Speaker 1: 27:47

Count your blessings. I forgot what this proverb is, but that's the hardest arithmetic a human can do. Count your blessings. We don't do it. We quick to point out problems. We quick to point out this person looked funny, how this person did the job wrong. We quick on that. But it comes to count our blessings, and we got a lot more than we realize. If you meditate deep, you'll be surprised that you come up with 1, 3, 5, 10 let's go ambitious 100 examples of gratitude. Okay, eventually let's just put that for some of you, eventually some of you already there you come with a thousand great, great, all right, good for you.

Speaker 1: 28:31

But there there is reason to be grateful and that's the mindset I've been operating with. Look, in my 20s I already feel like I was 80. I'm at 30s, I feel younger because it's having that mindset. And do I get grumpy at times? Yeah, I'm gonna be honest. I don't want to be bothered. But you don't make it a lifestyle, you don't make it a habit. Catch yourself. But I'm sure you know if you go to her site I'm gonna plug. I'll plug it right now.

Speaker 1: 28:57

She has a lot of solutions. You're coaching meditation, you know she. She has stuff for you there and me. I got some practical stuff. I'm not the expert here, but you know, just go to her if you want to. If you have like very complicated problems I'm that part I'm gonna play the coward card and say I got nothing to do with that. Okay, I'm just giving you ideas through guests, because these guests are wonderful well, most of them are, and they have value. I mean, obviously she's already saying about being grateful and to challenge her just a little bit, I'm sure she could easily answer this how can we if you already mentioned her doing a bunch of things this is a good tie-in to that how can we take care of ourselves despite having such a forget, busy I got a better word assiduous schedule, schedule, schedule that keeps going. I constantly has a guy go one, two, three. You jump before you could even walk and crawl. I gotta think. I mean, how can we take care of ourselves?

Speaker 2: 29:55

I think that's another big challenge a lot of us have, even sometimes myself at times so you're talking about people that just have, they're so busy they don't have time to breathe, right? I mean, that's a little dramatic, but yeah, um, he was two and I was pregnant and I had a really bad miscarriage and I still had my law practice. So I was in the hospital for a week and all sorts of antibiotics just getting the baby that didn't um, attach out of my system, and it was a really interesting experience because what I felt on that level, um, when that happened to me, is that, you know, while I was really grateful I already had a child that was healthy, but I just that, you know. Well, I was really grateful I already had a child that was healthy, but I just realized, you know, hey, the world goes on without me. You know, I had my practice of law that I really couldn't practice for like a couple of weeks. My mother flew in and she was bringing my son back and forth to the hospital to me and I said, wow, life goes on without me.

Speaker 2: 31:00

So I guess that mindset, that realization, it was like, wow, I can slow down. You know, I don't have to do all these things. The way how busy my schedule is is actually a choice. You know, what can I let go of? Where can I give myself some space to breathe? Because if we don't give ourselves space to engage in self-love and self-care where we really have a timeout, we need timeouts. Kids need timeouts. As adults, we need timeouts, you know, even if it's 5 or 10 or 15 minutes, to go outside and go to Central Park or New York or whatever it is, where you know talk to a friend or go to a nice cafe or give them a massage or whatever it is. We need those just as much as kids do.

Speaker 2: 31:44

And I guess that really struck me that, yeah, I can be and I was an attorney, of course at that time. I can be an attorney, you know I can make a living, you know I can take care of my son, but it doesn't serve anyone if I have such a schedule that's so busy that I can't even breathe. And really, you know, if I die tomorrow, the world is going to continue to go on without me. So how do I want to live my life? How do I want to give back to others but at the same time still fill up my cup with self-love and self-care? So I'm actually enjoying life and maybe it takes some time to disentangle from all of that from what we created and that maybe takes some courage to disentangle from all of that from what we created and that maybe takes some courage to let some stuff go. But it really doesn't feel like a kind way to live and put ourselves through.

Speaker 1: 32:32

I hear a couple of interesting points. Busyness is a choice. I want to reemphasize that. That is so true. Some of the stuff that we are busy with doesn't even serve our highest purpose. We got to let some of that stuff go Round. Is talking to a toxic person? Yes, I don't throw people in there or I don't know. Looking at the smartphone, looking at what trends are, if you really need to calm down, yeah, busyness is a choice. So you know what that's the mindset.

Speaker 1: 33:06

Some people, some people use business as an excuse not to get themselves better. I know that's hard for some of you. I know that's really difficult, but you know what? This podcast is not a safe space. I want to say like it is sometimes. Sometimes, you know, and a lot of our problems, a lot of them, I'll say, the most of it, we're the cause of it. Okay, good day, bad day, that's on you. I know that's hard, but it's true.

Speaker 1: 33:37

It says, oh, I hate New York because of this and, trust me, I had that mindset. Oh, it's very expensive. You can make New York work for you if you're creative and determined. Trust me, new York City is expensive factually speaking, but if you know what you're doing, if you're creative, if you're resourceful, you can make it work. Another thing I liked why is it blanking out on me? You said that business is a choice. I like, I like that. I think a lot of people need to get that. Listeners will be really getting this. Busyness is a choice, yeah, and some things you're doing is just not helping you. You're used to it. You're used to doing it because it's normal, it's habitual. But I know change is hard. Yeah, change is hard for me too, but some of them are beneficial. I say some because some are not beneficial. At the time they were beneficial. But some of the short term changes are good for you.

Speaker 1: 34:45

Okay, meditate, because we engage ourselves towards stimulation, towards activity, and not enough Musa, quiet, slow down, recharge. It's just not enough of that. No, there isn't enough of that and we definitely need to do more of that. For sure, we need to do that. We I cannot emphasize that enough and I'm applying some of that to myself. That's why, even though I have a lot of stuff going on, but I could handle it, because I filter out what's junk that's just filling up time for nothing and you need to find out what that is. Pay attention to energy and vibrations. It feels draining, very draining. It's most likely not good for you. That's all I can add to that. I don't want to get too spiritual and all that. Or take Arlene's stuff, because she has a very valuable thing to say. I'm going to quote that busyness is a choice.

Speaker 2: 35:57

And I wanted to ask sometimes it's hard for us to drop the business, because then we're with ourselves and all the feelings that we haven't felt, that felt hard, come up. And I just want to tell your readership that I mean I work with this a lot. I'm happy to help you if you're interested. But feeling is healing and so when we actually feel our feelings, let them move through us and then replace them maybe with higher vibrational stuff I'm recently just working with like peace, you know, like that, that feeling of just universal peace. It just has this really calm and centering space. And so lots of times people don't want to slow down because then they have to be with themselves and maybe a beginning way to be with yourself is uplifting is.

Speaker 2: 36:41

Sometimes I like to just listen to music that just lifts my heart or I can meditate to or I can dance around the room with, but it's not that same kind of business thing, so that if it's too confronting just to not do anything, you know we can do something else.

Speaker 2: 37:00

We can take a walk in Central Park, if you're in New York, a nice little walk enjoying the nature around you. You know. We can sip tea at a cafe and just allow ourselves to be. We don't have to give ourselves that completely quiet time that just feels too confronting, because then all the things that we haven't wanted to feel come up at once and we don't want to overburden ourselves with that or get ourselves into a situation that we can't handle. So sometimes what I do, or what I recommend, is that you know there's some music you listen to and it just brings tears to your eyes when you want to dance or it just is healing. So there are other ways to have that space that's not the busyness, without it being quite as confrontational for you, and so that's available as well.

Speaker 1: 37:50

You know that's a good point. Work at your level. Don't go too extreme. That's a very good point. Don't go too silent. Little by little, do 30 seconds, 45 seconds, 45 seconds a minute. I'll say incremental change is more sustainable. That's why I've said multiple times this podcast and I stick into that. So you're indirectly saying that don't go from super hyper noise to quiet. Yeah, yeah, and I've done that before.

Speaker 1: 38:19

The brain's gonna go crazy. So what the heck is going on? Or I'm gonna make a bunch of noise, I'm gonna rattle you to do something. Yeah, you know the brain, the brain is complicated. The brain is interesting. The brain is even funny sometimes.

Speaker 1: 38:38

You know the brain is gonna, is gonna go by what it's used to, because it's based on lifestyles and all that, what we program it, based on stuff we absorb. If it's used to going fast, it's going to go crazy. Why are you being quiet? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you torturing me? What is this change? The brain will challenge you. The brain is very interesting. It will challenge you, especially if you're trying to do drastic change right on the spot. Challenge you, especially trying to do drastic change right on the spot, like you'd be a little slick when we're about slicks probably incorporate a little by little. The brain will eventually fall for it.

Speaker 1: 39:08

A brain is not foolproof but it's not stupid. Against drastic change, that for sure. It will go berserk for lack of a better word, it will go berserk. So I actually agree with that. I'm happy that you brought that point up. If I mean, and then really for certain people drastic changes might be your medicine. You know, we all unique individuals. I gotta keep that in mind. I say everyone's spiritual journey is unique. Maybe for a few of you, try drastic, drastic change. Give it a shot it might work for you. Go right ahead, yeah go right ahead.

Speaker 2: 39:48

Yeah, it's just what I like to share with people is that you want to bring in kindness, patience and tolerance. To me it feels like this triangle kind of trinity kindness, patience and tolerance. So we want to be kind, patient and tolerant with ourselves as we're bringing change into our lives. You know it feels too hectic, too out of balance, too busy. You know there's too much overwhelm. It can be as simple as in the moment.

Speaker 2: 40:11

Well, you know, how can I just actually be kind to myself now? Maybe we're just exhausted and we're just going to lie down for a 15-minute nap, you know, maybe we're just going to hang out with a friend who is like laid back and you don't have to talk, you don't have to chatter, you can just sort of like enjoy just being in each other's presence. There's all sorts of things that we can do to bring that kindness to ourselves in our lives. And so when we're just being patient with ourselves, you know, if we're going to change, if we're going to give ourselves more space and take away some of that busyness, this clouding, this cluttering things up and making us feel overwhelmed, we need to be patient with ourselves.

Speaker 2: 40:51

We make one small step, we acknowledge it, we celebrate it. We do another small step, we acknowledge, we celebrate it. And then it doesn't feel like it's too big and I can't do it and it all sort of blends in together and when we're taking steps of change in that way, it doesn't feel like I can't do it. So I can take that one small step. You know, I can sit and breathe for a minute. So I just wanted to throw that in as well, because oftentimes what happens is people make New Year's resolutions they're going to do something totally different and they fall flat on their face. And I've done this too, because we just put unrealistic expectations that it has to be immediate change, like there's magic fairy dust coming down and we're a totally different person. It took a while to get to here, so it's going to take a while to get to over there, where you want to go.

Speaker 1: 41:40

No, yeah, no, absolutely. I really hope you're getting this, because this is valuable. If you have at least half the wisdom you claim you have, you always give this a shot. You know your life is in chaos, turmoil, and you know that's about the world problems. Who such was going on with Syria? Total chaos. And look, I don't care what side you're on on the issue, just know this is total, total chaos. You only like to end up like that for sure. For our case, it's more metaphorical and let's keep it metaphor, let's not make it literal, really. So, look, we already said a bunch of important things.

Speaker 1: 42:32

Turn your big goal into many small, little steps or tasks, whatever other label you want to call it, just to make it achievable. It's like a mountain. How are you going to get there? If you it achievable? It's like, uh, a mountain. How are you going to get there if you just look at the mountain? Don't have a plan? Oh, of course, it's impossible. If you have your gear or you pave steps, I don't know. Take a helicopter or something. Find a way you'll get there. How are you going to get there? Is just as important. Do it to small steps.

Speaker 1: 43:03

I agree with that, because I try to do everything at once and you'll snap right back to your old self, just like that. Just like that snap. You don't want that. That's why I personally say for most people, incremental change is sustainable. It's just yeah for most people. But for certain people I think drastic change is the only way. That's like exceptional few. I would not recommend trying. I recommend you try the incremental approach. If that doesn't work, then maybe the drastic approach. But that's probably like the 0.01 of humanity right there. But most of us is most of us normies and I'll call myself a normie even though it's a little offensive to me. I like to be an oddball. Incremental change is sustainable. That's just for the rest of you. Okay if you're different very odd.

Speaker 2: 44:05

Then go ahead, go, go, be drastic. So anything else you want to add, before we do the shameless plug in and the wrap up. It's important to know that you don't have to have a five-year plan or a one-year plan. You're just taking a step, you're seeing how it feels, you're acknowledging maybe something or celebrating something, and then you're feeling into and taking another step and if we do that over a period of time, there's going to be a lot of change. But if you take a couple steps in one direction it doesn't feel right, then modify it, take a step in a little bit different direction. It doesn't have to be set in stone. We don't need to put that pressure on ourselves. We can be adaptable and flexible as we're choosing to create more balance and harmony in our lives.

Speaker 1: 44:46

All right. So let's get to that shameless plug-in. But before I do that, before I do that, look, I'm about shameless plug-ins. I support it. Look, we all need a little something. I'll be really getting this.

Speaker 1: 45:01

Listeners, don't be super cynical, don't be super hard. I look, I know you don't trust many things. That's fine. Try to treat this like an experiment. See what works, what doesn't work, document it. That's what I could tell you, and then you make some adjustments based on your life and getting deeper into that, because a podcast can do justice, especially if you have a unique problem or a very complicated one.

Speaker 1: 45:30

Go to jewel consultancycom jewelconsultancycom Okay, the link is going to be in the description. And so are her drumrolls. Please, a very cheap one. I choose to buy one.

Speaker 1: 45:48

Social medias she has a ton of social media. So, no, she's not a boomer that she only has a Yahoo account Okay. Or AOL no, she's very up to date. She has a bunch Okay. She has the Facebook, she has the Twitter I refuse to call it X the YouTube, instagram, the LinkedIn Even the TikTok Okay, even TikTok, all right. The linkedin even the tiktok okay, even tiktok, all right, even though that might be banned soon. Oh, I gotta throw a little rain in there. Well, enjoy while you can. Kids, it's funny with tiktok.

Speaker 1: 46:30

I used to be against it. I used to be against it, period. But now I'm more sympathetic towards it and now the ban is gonna happen. Uh, I should have been. I should have been a supporter. I should support it since day one, oh well, oh well. It helps small business. It's a shame they're going to be affected by it and facebook and the other companies are going to get a bigger monopoly, which I'm against. I should have thought about it from the business angle, then I would have have been more supportive.

Speaker 1: 46:54

But then you live, you learn. What can I say? Don't beat yourself up too much, just treat it like a lesson. If you made a mistake, treat it like a lesson. That's another thing I want to say. So, yep, so check her out, and if she wants to help you, don't be shy Okay, there's no need to be shy. She to help you, don't be shy. Okay, there's no need to be shy. She wants to help you out. She's a lot more spiritual. She's not a evil lawyer, okay. She, that was a trillion years ago thrown out the window. She's a spiritual person. She wants to talk to you. She wants to help you in all aspects of your life. Okay, all right. So that's what I'm going to say about that. This is such a gutsy question. Anything else you want to add before I? Well, there is some.

Speaker 2: 47:41

There is some free stuff that they might enjoy on the website. There's stuff. There's some videos I did a while back about just being calm and centered. There's also some leadership videos. I have a very extensive blog on all kinds of subjects that could help them. So, um, you know, even if you you know, if you just want to even go and check that out, it's free and, um, I hope you enjoy that free gifts.

Speaker 1: 48:05

Come on, risk free. I'll give you a hard time with that. Come on, give it a shot. Don't be cheap with your time. At least that's what I think is going to cost you just some time. That's it Well. And if you're low energy, it may cost you some extra energy, but if you high energy, is that going to cost you much? On that department, come on Now, she's lucky. You got some free gifts for you. Give down. You got to give it a Well. Try the free gifts, come on, come on. Come on, be nice here. Be nice here. Don't be stingy, don't be cheap. I could use the New York slang, but I could throw some of you off. Don't be cheap with your time. Come on. If you want a better life, give it a try. That's all I'm going to say. So, and now I want to officially wrap this up. So for whenever, for whenever you've listened to this podcast, you have a blessed day, afternoon or night.

Speaker 2: 49:17

Or night.